“Behave Yourself”

Today I had a patient who recently underwent a hemorrhoidectomy/rectal prolapse repair.  His doctor is a well-known anorectal surgeon.  I saw the patient for a health care maintenance visit and he reported that he was doing well.  During my routine health care review, I asked him if he had any current sexual partners.  My patient, who is gay, replied “No.  I don’t want to date anyone right now.  And even if I did, I don’t know how I would have sex with them.  Cause of the surgery, you know.”  I asked him if the surgeon had given him any post-operative instructions on how long to avoid anal sex.  Weeks?  Months?  For the rest of his life?  The patient said he didn’t know.  The only instructions the surgeon had given him?  “He told me to ‘behave myself’.”  What does that mean? I said that out loud, and the patient agreed that he didn’t know.  He had been too embarrassed to ask the surgeon to elaborate any further.  You would think that an anorectal surgeon–a man who looks at, talks about and deals with ass all day long–would be able to give the patient a little more detail about his postoperative care.  Could the surgeon not bring himself to say the words ‘anal sex’?  Seriously?  What an asshole.  Hahahahaha.