The magical mystery land of community health

I don't make this stuff up!…but I do change identifying information.

Sex Ed July 15, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — lesbonurse @ 1:11 am

Patient, here for complaint of vaginal discharge:

Me: “Tell me about what’s going on”

Patient: “Well, I don’t have any discharge on my panties.  And I don’t have an odor.  But I’m worried that something is wrong.”

Me: “How come?”

Patient: “Because I was having sex with my boyfriend and he said that it felt more…slippery…than usual.  Like, his…thing…just went right in.  He thinks something is wrong.”

Me: “Ok, I can do some tests.  But I have a question.  Do you think it’s possible that you were just more aroused than usual?”

Patient: looks puzzled

Me: “Because women make natural lubrication when they’re aroused.  So maybe you were just feeling good and that wetness was normal.”

Patient, thinks…then makes a face: “No, I don’t think that’s it.”


Me: “Ok then, let’s do the exam.”

The exam was normal.  We had a little talk about other sources of increased vaginal wetness, including normal cyclical things like ovulation.  I got her test results today, and they were all normal.  I called her to let her know.  She was happy, then asked if I could call back and leave the results on her voicemail so she could play it for her boyfriend.  I obliged and left a professional sounding message, but what I really wanted to say was “Vaginal wetness is NORMAL.  You WANT your penis to go in easily.  So don’t freak out!  Your girlfriend is normal!”

Sheesh.  How come they don’t cover this in health class?


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