The magical mystery land of community health

I don't make this stuff up!…but I do change identifying information.

Internal dialogue–Self vs. Self October 28, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — lesbonurse @ 1:30 am

Doing rectal exam for patient with complaint of bleeding:

Says to Self: Is that the prostate that I’m feeling?

Other self replies: Ummm, nope. That’s the edge of a piece of poo in the rectum.

Self: Ok, time to do the hemocult card then!

(Both selves exit room carrying hemocult card, wash hands and then return to office to wait for results)

Self: I’m so hungry. Time for my afternoon snack!

Other self: NOOOO your fingers were just touching poop!!

Self: I washed my hands! And I was wearing gloves. There’s NO way that poop is on my hands.

Other self: Your finger still feels warm from the patient’s rectum! Don’t touch the snack!

Self: My hands are clean, dammit! I’m hungry and I need to eat this apple.

Other self: Disgusting!

Self: What if I use this clean washcloth from the supply closet to hold the apple? Then I can eat it without touching it.

Other self: Well…ok, I guess. But only because I’m really fucking hungry.

That is how my co-worker came to find me in my office, hurriedly eating an apple wrapped in a washcloth.

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2 Responses to “Internal dialogue–Self vs. Self”

  1. Kathy Says:

    You always crack me up! 🙂

  2. np2b Says:

    I agree with Kathy…this post had me laughing out loud. Thanks for the good chuckle!


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