The magical mystery land of community health

I don't make this stuff up!…but I do change identifying information.

How to win over your PCP May 27, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — lesbonurse @ 12:50 am

I try hard to be a good PCP.  I apologize when I’m late, I try not to be rude and I respond to medication refill requests in a timely manner.  In return, I’d like to offer a few suggestions for patients.  If you do these things, you will win my heart:

  • Do ask questions.  I’m serious, it lets me know that you’re paying attention and you’re invested in your health.  Any provider who discourages you from asking questions is a douchebag.
  • Don’t spend 20 minutes making idle chatter and then bring up your very serious and important question right as I stand up to leave.
  • Do tell me about embarrassing things like urinary incontinence
  • Don’t bring me a urine sample in a pill bottle.  Margarine containers and baggies are also out.  Put the urine in a screw-top jar if you must show it to me.
  • Do work on your descriptive words.  Is that phlegm brown?  Green?  Thick?  Is the pain sharp, dull, throbbing?  This is helpful.
  • Don’t bring a sample of phlegm in a napkin or a bit of vomit in a coffee can.  This is gross, and I could probably do just as well with the descriptive words alone.
  • Do show me your rash if you think you have bedbugs
  • Don’t bring me a live bedbug trapped in a pill bottle.  They give me the heebie jeebies!
  • Do shower before your pap smear
  • Don’t douche and scrub out your vagina 20 minutes before the exam.  I actually need to see the discharge if it’s bothering you, and I can’t get a good sample for testing if you’ve sterilized your vagina.  I know it’s embarrassing and awkward.
  • Do let me do a rectal or a vaginal exam if I recommend it.   Trust me,  I’m not doing it  for kicks.
  • Don’t threaten to bring a gun to the clinic and blow your brains out if I don’t refill your Ativan.  This will result in a crisis evaluation, not a med refill
  • Do be polite to all of the office staff, not just me.  I can hear what you’re saying at the front desk!
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