The magical mystery land of community health

I don't make this stuff up!…but I do change identifying information.

You know it’s going to be a long visit when… May 5, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — lesbonurse @ 11:16 pm
  • The patient is unfolding a list of questions and number 1 on the list reads “Suicidal Depression”
  • A patient begins his story with “I got shot in New York and the doctor told me I still have some bullets left in my back.”
  • The chief complaint is progressively worsening vocal hoarseness with new onset of hemoptysis…in a 2-pack a day smoker.
  • The patient was referred to you for a pap smear…and she’s 80 years old and has Alzheimer’s (nevermind the fact that the indication for a pap can be decided on a case-by-case basis in women over 65 and a celibate 80-year old does not need a pap!)
  • A patient tearfully describes her chronic body pain while her 2-year old toddles around the room attempting to touch the biohazard bucket.  The HPI is interrupted repeatedly by the patient yelling “NO!  Caca!  Poopy!  Sucio!  NO!”

One Response to “You know it’s going to be a long visit when…”

  1. Candi Says:

    Your posts are freaking hilarious & make me seriously consider specializing & not Family practice!

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