The magical mystery land of community health

I don't make this stuff up!…but I do change identifying information.

You know it’s going to be a long visit when… May 5, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — lesbonurse @ 11:16 pm
  • The patient is unfolding a list of questions and number 1 on the list reads “Suicidal Depression”
  • A patient begins his story with “I got shot in New York and the doctor told me I still have some bullets left in my back.”
  • The chief complaint is progressively worsening vocal hoarseness with new onset of hemoptysis…in a 2-pack a day smoker.
  • The patient was referred to you for a pap smear…and she’s 80 years old and has Alzheimer’s (nevermind the fact that the indication for a pap can be decided on a case-by-case basis in women over 65 and a celibate 80-year old does not need a pap!)
  • A patient tearfully describes her chronic body pain while her 2-year old toddles around the room attempting to touch the biohazard bucket.  The HPI is interrupted repeatedly by the patient yelling “NO!  Caca!  Poopy!  Sucio!  NO!”
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One Response to “You know it’s going to be a long visit when…”

  1. Candi Says:

    Your posts are freaking hilarious & make me seriously consider specializing & not Family practice!


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