- The patient is unfolding a list of questions and number 1 on the list reads “Suicidal Depression”
- A patient begins his story with “I got shot in New York and the doctor told me I still have some bullets left in my back.”
- The chief complaint is progressively worsening vocal hoarseness with new onset of hemoptysis…in a 2-pack a day smoker.
- The patient was referred to you for a pap smear…and she’s 80 years old and has Alzheimer’s (nevermind the fact that the indication for a pap can be decided on a case-by-case basis in women over 65 and a celibate 80-year old does not need a pap!)
- A patient tearfully describes her chronic body pain while her 2-year old toddles around the room attempting to touch the biohazard bucket. The HPI is interrupted repeatedly by the patient yelling “NO! Caca! Poopy! Sucio! NO!”