Please, do not tell me how much you love big hard dicks! I went out to dinner this week with a couple of nurses from my job. I casually mentioned that at one point I had been on birth control pills b/c I was dating boys in high school. This led to the inevitable “So, you used to have sex with men but now you’re a lesbian, how did that happen?” conversation. As I patiently explained that I found sex with men to be fine, but I really just enjoy being with women a lot more, I never once uttered the words “hot vagina, “muff diving” or “wild lesbian sex orgy.” So it confused me when my coworker’s next sentence was, “I could never give up sex with men! I just can’t imagine sex without a big, hard dick at the end!” This inspired my other co-worker to chime in with “Yeah, I just love having sex with a dick! The hard dick is like the perfect ending to sex.” At this point a wave of nausea overcame me (I am gay, after all). But I attempted to be sex-positive by not exclaiming “Ohmygod, soooo gross!” and instead tried to explain that in heterosexual sex, the focus is often on the penis-vagina intercourse as the pinnacle of the experience, but that is not necessarily the case with queer sex. This did not seem to impress my coworkers, who maintained their eternal love for the big, hot cock.
Other things I would beg hetero people not to say to their gay co-workers include these examples, from a typical workday:
- “But he’s gay….what bothers him about getting a rectal exam?”
- “Oh, she’s really gay. She’s really out there with it all the time!” When questioned about what “really out there” means, my co-worker explained, “Oh, you know…she’s always saying ‘my partner this, my partner that'” (Kind of the way this coworker often talks about her husband??)
Though I have long given up my days of the “EAT PUSSY NOT COWS” t-shirt (I really did have and wear this t-shirt), apparently at work I am still militantly gay.