I’m still working up to the trans health post…I want it to be good, which will take time, which is a stumbling block to the actual writing of the post. For now I’ll just write a quickie.
- Patient: “I just moved in with my new girlfriend!” Me: “That’s great. How long have you been together?” Patient: “A week. She’s really nice. I just wish she didn’t have so many problems. She has a little ‘habit,’ so I’m helping her out with some money.” Actual comment: “Well, no offense, but maybe you should be careful where you put your valuables while you’re getting to know her better.” Totally Inappropriate Comment: “Look, I know that you’re old and lonely and kinda crazy and unwashed, and that this girl is putting out in exchange for the money and a place to stay…but seriously, this is not going to end well for you.”
- Patient: “I need a brain specialist, someone who can tell me about what’s wrong with my brain. A specialist. For my brain.” Me: “Didn’t I refer you to a Neurologist a couple of months ago? That’s a brain specialist.” Patient: “No, but I need someone to talk about my brain.” Actual comment: “Yes, that’s what a neurologist does. It’s their specialty.” Totally Inappropriate Comment: “Yes, you do need a brain specialist. But I’m not sure what they can do for you at this point.”
- Patient: “I have a cough, and phlegm, and weasels in my chest.” Actual comment: “Wheezes in your chest?” Totally Inappropriate Comment: “Weasels? Bwahahahaha!”